Blog to be read to Sara Bareilles, The Light
I've been in LA for 85 days.
Auditioning is hard. Auditioning is addicting. I had a friend drive me to an audition the other day. Bad move on my part. No one has driven me to an audition before. In SF, no one had to. Even the auditions that were a million miles away, I could figure out the correct public transit (thank you google maps) to take (sometimes multiple) and I would get myself there. I remember one audition was in Danville, CA. I had to take Muni to Bart, then bike 15 miles from the closest Bart station. Turns out, it was all uphill (fuck you google maps). Did I mention one of my tires went flat mid journey? One of my tires went flat mid journey. I showed up to the audition, dreading the ride back, sweaty, and I didn't get the part. Some clown who sucked off the director got it. I don't know if that is accurate, but I am going to stick with that assumption. I also worked with the clown months later. Completely different story. I still think he's a clown. No really, he went to clown school.
Back to my initial story: my friend's iPhone was showing different directions than mine and we got into a riff about it. Side note: My iPhone was correct--that doesn't have an impact on the story--but definitely strokes my ego. He was confused because mine was showing a person's residence. I didn't feel like going into the stranger places I have auditioned before. He got impatient, I got snippy. Instead of speaking like normal human beings, I leapt out of the car (the car wasn't moving and we were in a parking lot). Leapt is the wrong verb. I merely opened the door and left.
After I came back from the audition, I apologized and explained myself fully. One, how no one had ever brought me to an audition before. When things have gone wrong, I had to deal with them myself. When my tire went flat, I had to carry my bike. No one was there to tell me I should have checked the levels of the tire before I left. It was just me. I went on to explain the process of auditioning. How it is one of the scariest things I do. And I do it day in and day out. You never know what to expect when you walk into a room and you are asked to do all sorts of things. It's stressful. And, is a necessary evil to work on projects I want to work on. Ryan Gosling describes it best here. Now, remove Jared Leto and getting into a car and insert clown guy and public transit, and you understand more of my world.
Auditioning is hard. Auditioning is addicting. I had a friend drive me to an audition the other day. Bad move on my part. No one has driven me to an audition before. In SF, no one had to. Even the auditions that were a million miles away, I could figure out the correct public transit (thank you google maps) to take (sometimes multiple) and I would get myself there. I remember one audition was in Danville, CA. I had to take Muni to Bart, then bike 15 miles from the closest Bart station. Turns out, it was all uphill (fuck you google maps). Did I mention one of my tires went flat mid journey? One of my tires went flat mid journey. I showed up to the audition, dreading the ride back, sweaty, and I didn't get the part. Some clown who sucked off the director got it. I don't know if that is accurate, but I am going to stick with that assumption. I also worked with the clown months later. Completely different story. I still think he's a clown. No really, he went to clown school.
Back to my initial story: my friend's iPhone was showing different directions than mine and we got into a riff about it. Side note: My iPhone was correct--that doesn't have an impact on the story--but definitely strokes my ego. He was confused because mine was showing a person's residence. I didn't feel like going into the stranger places I have auditioned before. He got impatient, I got snippy. Instead of speaking like normal human beings, I leapt out of the car (the car wasn't moving and we were in a parking lot). Leapt is the wrong verb. I merely opened the door and left.
After I came back from the audition, I apologized and explained myself fully. One, how no one had ever brought me to an audition before. When things have gone wrong, I had to deal with them myself. When my tire went flat, I had to carry my bike. No one was there to tell me I should have checked the levels of the tire before I left. It was just me. I went on to explain the process of auditioning. How it is one of the scariest things I do. And I do it day in and day out. You never know what to expect when you walk into a room and you are asked to do all sorts of things. It's stressful. And, is a necessary evil to work on projects I want to work on. Ryan Gosling describes it best here. Now, remove Jared Leto and getting into a car and insert clown guy and public transit, and you understand more of my world.
A List of General Items (cont.)
15. Got an apartment
16. Turned down two theatre gigs
17. Quit my job
18. Hired at a new job
19. My identity thief returned
20. Showcased in front of agencies
21. Learned how payment works on LA public transit
22. Filmed a commercial
23. Propositioned for prostitution
24. Asked to be a game show
25. Bled from my nose
26. Changed the director's/writer's words in an audition
General Comments on General Items:
15. Come March 1st, I will have all my boxes in one place! Apartment hunting is one of the strangest activities I have ever participated in (now twice). In SF, it was about standing out. What were you going to bring to the apartment? A dog-eat-dog competition, with people offering more money up front then I have ever had in my bank account.
In LA, I have encountered the crazies. The first apartment I walked into had three current tenants, wanting a fourth. It was a scene from Animal House. Two were there, one managing his weed business, stoned out of his mind while the second was spilling his cooked pasta all over the kitchen floor. As they showed me around the stained rooms (not the artist kind of stained), the third roommate appeared having just broken one of his fingers from lifting weights. He was off to go dancing. I ran screaming thinking I would have totally lived in this apartment three years ago.
The second apartment was a scene from hoarders. According to the tenant, in order to bring his boyfriend (a citizen of Morocco) to the U.S. he needed to complete his taxes (a forgotten task going on six years). He saved every piece of paper since '06 hoping to write a travel blog. These saved papers covered every surface of the apartment. He said I was sweet as he scratched his genitals and I said thank you and left promptly.
The second apartment was a scene from hoarders. According to the tenant, in order to bring his boyfriend (a citizen of Morocco) to the U.S. he needed to complete his taxes (a forgotten task going on six years). He saved every piece of paper since '06 hoping to write a travel blog. These saved papers covered every surface of the apartment. He said I was sweet as he scratched his genitals and I said thank you and left promptly.
Thankfully, I have found a sane roommate in the nicest (and cheapest!) apartment I have ever lived in. The catch: the lease is up mid-May, and the lead tenant (my roommate for the next two months) is leaving the country. My goal: meet my landlady and woo her into creating a new lease with me. Fingers crossed this works, or its back on the hunt. If it does work, I will have an open room. Accepting roommate applications now.
16. Dan walks into small theatre, his sides in hand.
Dan: Hi, how are you today? Here's my head shot and resume. My name is Daniel (reaches out to shake casting director's hand)
Casting director
Dan: Okay (turns to his assistant). How are you? I'm Dan. (extends hand out).
Assistant
Dan: Hi, how are you today? Here's my head shot and resume. My name is Daniel (reaches out to shake casting director's hand)
Casting director
Dan: Okay (turns to his assistant). How are you? I'm Dan. (extends hand out).
Assistant
Dan
Casting Director: We don't know where your hands have been.
Dan: I guess so.
Casting Director: Proceed with the sides
Dan: (gets half way through the sides)
Casting Director: Stop. Says here you can tap dance. Tap for me.
Dan: (begins to tap)
Casting Director: Stop. Can you sing?
Dan: Tenor... in the shower...
Casting Director: Sing Happy Birthday.
Dan: (starts singing)
Casting Director: Stop. You can leave now.
I know I am at the bottom of the totem pole. I know the 25 seater theatre we are in is at the bottom of the totem pole. The original written play which is at the bottom of the totem pole. Does he realize he's at the bottom of the totem pole?
I booked the part.
Turned it down.
I just can't.
17. It's 11:25 pm on new years eve. You've tripled your restaurant seating (and didn't increase your kitchen staff), are now serving alcohol (and didn't tell anyone there was no longer a BYOB), and some of the food you serve actually comes from Trader Joe's. No one has gotten their food. Guests were pissed. I was pissed. Two weeks later I quit.
18. POT Restaurant Concept by Roy Choi. KTown. Bar is open. Restaurant and Cafe to open soon. To help it open, I worked 77 hours in 6 days. It's going to be a wild ride. Working with original cocktails some comprised of up to 17 different ingredients....in one cocktail.
19. Oh Grinder. While filming the short film, Invertigo, I decided to do a little promoting on Grinder. It worked well when I did it for the last theatre production I did, so really why not for a kickstarter? I will tell you why not. Some racist idiot is going to steal your photo, create a new profile, and copy your exact info (including your instagram page). S/he is going to wait until you have deleted your profile and then reek havoc in a city you no longer live by writing terribly racist to unassuming men. You will only find out about this, when these angry and offended people expose you on the internet, write blogs about you, release all of your information: the movie you were trying to raise money for, your instagram, your facebook, your linkedin... everything. You will then have to write a series of emails and apologies explaining the situation, while contacting Grinder who makes it nearly impossible for you to take the hacker down. Did I mention people are going to judge you and make comments on how Grinder is disgusting and it is your fault for even having the App? Oh well, that'll make you feel really great, too.
The person stopped. Well, I thought they did. Six weeks later I receive a text from a friend.
Friend: hey... I just saw your fake profile again on grinder. :-(
Dan: oh dear.
Friend: I reported the guy.
Dan: Did you chat with them at all?
Friend: Just enough to know it wasn't you.
Well, I am glad he can tell the difference. So, I guess be on the look out? And, stop judging people. You're almost as bad the hacker.
20. Take the scariest audition you have ever had and multiply it by twenty. Iblew it fell flat. You walk onto a stage. Camera is right in front of you. The agents sit as a live audience and have the option of watching you on the monitor or watching you live. Like most auditions, the camera catches you from mid torso, up. I loved the piece choice (thank you, Robin, for the suggestion!). I rehearsed with one of the founders of the studio a week prior, and left feeling great. I rehearsed with the second founder two hours before the showcase, and I left feeling exhausted and confused. I place no blame on him. He was doing his job, challenging some of the decisions I made and really trying to get me to change the flow of the piece. I should be able to change on the spot. The nerves ate me up and spit me out flat. The agents left positive and encouraging feedback, all saying they loved what I was doing, but many commenting on how the character didn't reach full potential. Dan has great potential. It is a starting point. It's a marathon, not a sprint. Just breathe. Here is the audition tape.
21. I'm beginning to navigatesuccessfully around this sprawling metropolis of mini cities. Having lived or spent a considerable amount of time in approximately 6 major U.S. cities, I consider myself to be urban savvy when it comes to basic transportation needs. In fact, I have had friends remark on my impressive urban transport instincts.
There are several different types of public transit options in LA. Within those types, there are several different companies to bring people around the many different cities. Transferring is a nightmare. To get to work I currently have to take two buses. One takes me south and the other takes me east. They are the same type and company of travel. One would assume there is a transferring option since they are the same. When I got onto my first bus, I asked to buy a transfer ticket (which costs 50 cents more). The bus driver gave me one. While reading the ticket, I noticed a timestamp which one lead me to believe the ticket is valid until that given time (similar to SF). For the first three days of travel (so six trips total), everything went smoothly. First bus got the transfer ticket, showed the transfer ticket to the second bus and wha-la! I am sailing to work. On day four, the second bus driver stops me:
Bus driver: What is that?
Dan: (looks around, is she really talking to me?)
Bus driver: Excuse me sir, what are you waving in my face?
Dan: (yes, answer her). Uh, it's my bus transfer pass.
Bus driver: There is no such thing as a bus transfer pass.
Dan: But that's what I bought. See here. (gives her the ticket)
Bus driver: (tears ticket up, and turns on the bus intercom) There is no such thing as a bus transfer from metro to metro. This bus will not move until this man pays for his trip.
It was the ultimate howler (reference: fast forward to 0:50). Awkwardness flooded every crevice of my body. And, to top it off, every one (including the crack head who was singing about the lord when I first stepped on) was silent watching me. I did what any self respecting person would do: I got off the bus. And paid for a ticket on the next one.
Bus driver-1, Dan-0.
Aside from one this very public altercation, I have learned the tricks of the LA travel. I have managed sans car and I have attained adeeper connection with this bustling city (one only achieved by riding the bus at 4 am).
22. Pivot TV #millennial
23. Does everyone at some point get asked to be paid sex for money? The more people I share this story with, the more "oh, I've done that" or "Someone has asked me to do that" responses I get. I entertained the request, just as I would entertain the request for a road trip.
Where are we going?
How much?
What do I need to do?
How long is it going to last?
I have always joked with friends about succumbing to prostitution if the tough really got tough. In college, I even researched it a little bit and emailed some pornagraphic sites starring twinks (please note: I am no longer a twink, I am now an otter). When the response asked for naked pictures I freaked out and became a lab TA.
The closest I had come to actual prostitution was when I hooked up with this guy in SF and he slipped me money afterwards. It wasn't on the table beforehand, no agreement was made. I considered it just another hook up. Yes, he was a decade older (but that ain't new) and yes, he had millions of dollars (in the end, I am pretty sure he was married and had kids--that hasn't/will never be confirmed). When he placed the money in my pocket, I didn't give it back, though. I was struggling at the time. Trying to make rent and buy food. I was working 4-5 shifts, but the restaurant was slow. Auditions weren't coming in. So I kept it. When he contacted me a couple weeks later towards at the end of the month,
"Rent is coming up, I know you need help. Let's meet up"
I freaked out and never spoke to him again.
So, here it happened again. This time it was VERY clear on what I would have to offer and what I would receive in return. The interaction was very curt at times, even though we had met under friendly circumstances. There was a certain appeal to it, a faux power I felt during the text message exchanges. As an actor, I wanted to explore this character I was becoming. As a person, I wanted nothing to do with the consequence of actually following through. So, I didn't. Instead, I worked 77 hours at minimum wage in six days tohopefully cover the costs of my move.
And yes, for those obsessing over 'how much I cost,'.... I am worth a pretty penny.
24. I feel like this will continue to happen. They call me. I call back and give my email address for information to be sent for this up and comingblah blah. They never send the email. Oh LA. I really do want to be on a game show, though.
25. LA is dry. And this is gross. But when it started I had my phone in hand, and I just had to snap a pic. The conversation this sparked with one of my sisters is pretty hilarious. I feel like I won.
Casting Director: We don't know where your hands have been.
Dan: I guess so.
Casting Director: Proceed with the sides
Dan: (gets half way through the sides)
Casting Director: Stop. Says here you can tap dance. Tap for me.
Dan: (begins to tap)
Casting Director: Stop. Can you sing?
Dan: Tenor... in the shower...
Casting Director: Sing Happy Birthday.
Dan: (starts singing)
Casting Director: Stop. You can leave now.
I know I am at the bottom of the totem pole. I know the 25 seater theatre we are in is at the bottom of the totem pole. The original written play which is at the bottom of the totem pole. Does he realize he's at the bottom of the totem pole?
I booked the part.
Turned it down.
I just can't.
17. It's 11:25 pm on new years eve. You've tripled your restaurant seating (and didn't increase your kitchen staff), are now serving alcohol (and didn't tell anyone there was no longer a BYOB), and some of the food you serve actually comes from Trader Joe's. No one has gotten their food. Guests were pissed. I was pissed. Two weeks later I quit.
18. POT Restaurant Concept by Roy Choi. KTown. Bar is open. Restaurant and Cafe to open soon. To help it open, I worked 77 hours in 6 days. It's going to be a wild ride. Working with original cocktails some comprised of up to 17 different ingredients....in one cocktail.
19. Oh Grinder. While filming the short film, Invertigo, I decided to do a little promoting on Grinder. It worked well when I did it for the last theatre production I did, so really why not for a kickstarter? I will tell you why not. Some racist idiot is going to steal your photo, create a new profile, and copy your exact info (including your instagram page). S/he is going to wait until you have deleted your profile and then reek havoc in a city you no longer live by writing terribly racist to unassuming men. You will only find out about this, when these angry and offended people expose you on the internet, write blogs about you, release all of your information: the movie you were trying to raise money for, your instagram, your facebook, your linkedin... everything. You will then have to write a series of emails and apologies explaining the situation, while contacting Grinder who makes it nearly impossible for you to take the hacker down. Did I mention people are going to judge you and make comments on how Grinder is disgusting and it is your fault for even having the App? Oh well, that'll make you feel really great, too.
The person stopped. Well, I thought they did. Six weeks later I receive a text from a friend.
Friend: hey... I just saw your fake profile again on grinder. :-(
Dan: oh dear.
Friend: I reported the guy.
Dan: Did you chat with them at all?
Friend: Just enough to know it wasn't you.
Well, I am glad he can tell the difference. So, I guess be on the look out? And, stop judging people. You're almost as bad the hacker.
20. Take the scariest audition you have ever had and multiply it by twenty. I
21. I'm beginning to navigate
There are several different types of public transit options in LA. Within those types, there are several different companies to bring people around the many different cities. Transferring is a nightmare. To get to work I currently have to take two buses. One takes me south and the other takes me east. They are the same type and company of travel. One would assume there is a transferring option since they are the same. When I got onto my first bus, I asked to buy a transfer ticket (which costs 50 cents more). The bus driver gave me one. While reading the ticket, I noticed a timestamp which one lead me to believe the ticket is valid until that given time (similar to SF). For the first three days of travel (so six trips total), everything went smoothly. First bus got the transfer ticket, showed the transfer ticket to the second bus and wha-la! I am sailing to work. On day four, the second bus driver stops me:
Bus driver: What is that?
Dan: (looks around, is she really talking to me?)
Bus driver: Excuse me sir, what are you waving in my face?
Dan: (yes, answer her). Uh, it's my bus transfer pass.
Bus driver: There is no such thing as a bus transfer pass.
Dan: But that's what I bought. See here. (gives her the ticket)
Bus driver: (tears ticket up, and turns on the bus intercom) There is no such thing as a bus transfer from metro to metro. This bus will not move until this man pays for his trip.
It was the ultimate howler (reference: fast forward to 0:50). Awkwardness flooded every crevice of my body. And, to top it off, every one (including the crack head who was singing about the lord when I first stepped on) was silent watching me. I did what any self respecting person would do: I got off the bus. And paid for a ticket on the next one.
Bus driver-1, Dan-0.
Aside from one this very public altercation, I have learned the tricks of the LA travel. I have managed sans car and I have attained a
22. Pivot TV #millennial
23. Does everyone at some point get asked to be paid sex for money? The more people I share this story with, the more "oh, I've done that" or "Someone has asked me to do that" responses I get. I entertained the request, just as I would entertain the request for a road trip.
Where are we going?
How much?
What do I need to do?
How long is it going to last?
I have always joked with friends about succumbing to prostitution if the tough really got tough. In college, I even researched it a little bit and emailed some pornagraphic sites starring twinks (please note: I am no longer a twink, I am now an otter). When the response asked for naked pictures I freaked out and became a lab TA.
The closest I had come to actual prostitution was when I hooked up with this guy in SF and he slipped me money afterwards. It wasn't on the table beforehand, no agreement was made. I considered it just another hook up. Yes, he was a decade older (but that ain't new) and yes, he had millions of dollars (in the end, I am pretty sure he was married and had kids--that hasn't/will never be confirmed). When he placed the money in my pocket, I didn't give it back, though. I was struggling at the time. Trying to make rent and buy food. I was working 4-5 shifts, but the restaurant was slow. Auditions weren't coming in. So I kept it. When he contacted me a couple weeks later towards at the end of the month,
"Rent is coming up, I know you need help. Let's meet up"
I freaked out and never spoke to him again.
So, here it happened again. This time it was VERY clear on what I would have to offer and what I would receive in return. The interaction was very curt at times, even though we had met under friendly circumstances. There was a certain appeal to it, a faux power I felt during the text message exchanges. As an actor, I wanted to explore this character I was becoming. As a person, I wanted nothing to do with the consequence of actually following through. So, I didn't. Instead, I worked 77 hours at minimum wage in six days to
And yes, for those obsessing over 'how much I cost,'.... I am worth a pretty penny.
24. I feel like this will continue to happen. They call me. I call back and give my email address for information to be sent for this up and coming
25. LA is dry. And this is gross. But when it started I had my phone in hand, and I just had to snap a pic. The conversation this sparked with one of my sisters is pretty hilarious. I feel like I won.
kelss0oThis is disgusting @daniel_oreilly NO ONE WANTS TO SEE THIS.
daniel_oreilly@kelss0o it's living art
kelss0oNo @daniel_oreilly ...it's just a nosebleed.
daniel_oreilly@kelss0o but the stripes on shirt goes so well with the fresh blood
kelss0oThe phrase "fresh blood" makes me want to puke.@daniel_oreilly
daniel_oreilly@kelss0o make sure to post it to ig if you do
26. This was one of the more fascinating moves I have ever pulled. I was auditioning for a role in an indie film. The character was a stand up comic/ beat poet blend. The sides given were one of his performances. I read it. It was about a trip to the zoo. It was alright. Actually, it was boring and unintelligent. So the night before the audition, I changed it.
I didn't get the callback.
No regrets.
Over and out.
